Only the lonely know what nights like these do to me.
October 2010
30 posts
Seldom do these words ring true
When I’m constantly failing you
No I dont want to fall in love, no I dont want to fall in love. With you.
“I’m on the plane out here, and I open my computer and I start reading these emails that I sent her, like 30 or more maybe, over the course of our relationship. And not just short messages, I’m talking about long, involved love letters. Like, desperately trying to be romantic and poetic, whatever and embarrassing as it is, it’s also like, kind of the best stuff I’ve ever written. Because it’s got this naive idealism thing going on where ours is going to be one of the greatest love stories ever told, and I’m writing it. So I’m sitting there and I’m reading these emails and there’s some turbulance, and I start to have this massive panic attack, like nothing I’ve ever had, and I think it’s happening because I can never imagine feeling that way about anybody else, ever again.”
It’s always such a competition between us. If you talk to a girl, I get jealous. If I talk to a guy, you get extremely jealous. But it seems as if we only talk to other people to make eachother jealous in the first place. We like to see eachother miserable because we are in fact miserable ourselves. You want to see if it bothers me, if I really care that your talking to another girl or to show off to me that you can get other girls. It does bother me. And I know that it bothers you when I do the same. Were like the same person, and we are so arrogant. We argue, we fight, we will never admit that we are wrong even when we are. We can never stay away from eachother. I am drawn to you and you are drawn to me.
How do I live without the ones I love? Time still turns the pages of the book it’s burned, place and time always on my mind I have so much to say but you’re so far away. Plans of what our futures hold foolish lies of growing old it seems were so invincible, but the truth is so cold. A final song, a last request. A perfect chapter laid to rest, now and then I try to find a place in my mind.
Will you stay? Will you stay away forever?
Oh faithful, put away the pills come waste away with me.
Dear you,
I miss you. I miss all the beautiful moments we have shared together. I miss kissing you, I miss touching you, and I just miss being around you. You were and are the only thing that is truly important to me. Nothing else really matters to me…And I hate it. I hate it because nothing will ever be right between us. And though you say things will change and there will be an “us” again, I cant really bring myself to believe it. I know you only mean well, you just dont realise the effects of the words you speak. They make want to be with you so much more, although in the back of my head I know that it’s all bullshit. I’m completely and hopelessly , head over heels in love with you and I always will be. I’ve tried everything to not be but it never works. You can never escape me and I can never escape you. Its as if you are my escape. You’re the only place I can go to where I am completely happy.
Calling to say hi on your break in less than twenty words you made my whole damn day and oh i just love you, oh i just love you.
